Leaving Austin

I'm going to take a break from the normal barrage of my past to post about my current situation. I leave tomorrow and I'm sitting here typing this in the bedroom that I have shared with my partner for a couple months now. I'm leaving my Dog, Navi, and my cat, Momo, behind and my partner/friend is going to take care of them for me.

Last night I planned to spend it with my partner who I care about deeply. I didn't fully comprehend how stressed they were with tests today which led to physical violence. I had a screen printing class and then did a food fundraiser for the house I'm leaving where I raised more money than I spent. I raised money for a house that doesn't want me here, that's not why I did the fundraiser, I did it because I care about Roots.

I've started to realize there is a lot of favoritism that takes place in a home-like this and if you are on the outside or you are new then you're constantly trying to prove yourself. It's a hierarchy. Others in the house have said they don't feel comfortable with their place at Roots, as though they could get kicked out at any time. That kind of structure doesn't facilitate growth, more often it facilitates fear.

I had a new idea today on my way home because there was no way I could stay in my house knowing my partner didn't want to be there with me. The idea is this, I buy a truck and build a shell on top. I also buy a small trailer. Ideally, I can travel in this truck with my dog and maybe a cat, depending on how she handles it. and we can travel to different ecovillages or aspiring communities and we can help with building projects. So I will build my tools up. I will learn from my father while I'm in New Jersey. I will see what different communities are doing, what works and what doesn't.

Hopefully, I end up back at Roots but I'm done playing Survivor no matter where I go. I'm looking for a family and families to work together and they don't treat each other as if only the favorites matter. It isn't healthy and it isn't sustainable. If you see someone struggling, we should reach out and help them or find resources that may help them.

I connected with Extinction Rebellion New Jersey so I'm excited to see where that goes. I need activism in my life to feel whole and complete. I need a community. I need a community that wants me and makes me feel nourished. I've felt used and like the people here are apathetic towards me. I need time away so I can grow and learn more. Maybe Roots is in my future, the universe knows I've kept this place afloat for a very long time, it's a bummer a few decided to strip it from me.

This comes from an angry place. Especially after I was treated last night.