Saturday, October 12, 2019

Alternative Substances Part One

I didn't grow up in a house of drinkers. I remember seeing a bottle of zinfandel spritzer behind our water purifier but my parents didn't drink. We grew up in a church and parties never involved drinking.

When I was fourteen I smoked pot for the first time and became a little stoner. I still did good in school but I loved weed. I skipped school and had to make up for it but my grades remained high. When I was 17 years old I was hanging out with some friends in Morgans Point and two cops pulled up. I almost ran but stood frozen...I wonder if they would have found me if I ran, I didn't know Morgans Point that well but I had the weed on me. The Imogen Heap song Hide and Seek will always remind me of that time because an SNL skit had come out with Shia Labauef about it and we had been laughing about it all night.

Two of our own cars were there, one being mine and they asked to search both if my memory serves. We both complied. Stupid. When they'd pulled up I'd chunked my stash under the seat. I was so dumb...young. They found nothing in my friend's car but of course, found mine and I got arrested. The next day was Mother's Day, my mom you have to imagine was so proud to have to wake up to a call from the Bell County jail that her daughter had been picked up for marijuana possession. They got a lawyer and I remember her coming in, the glass in between us and I'm kind crying but not hysterical or anything and she put her hand up to the window. I didn't know this woman at all and she thought that would help me, I know it was out of kindness. It just felt funny. I got out early that morning and long story short got put on probation for a year.

I got my first job at the only movie theater in town to pay off my probation fees. I went in every month to piss test, I did community service, and eventually, I got put on every other month and was in a group. Once I got put on probation because I couldn't smoke and it was my senior year I started drinking, I literally blacked out every single time which is a sign of alcohol poisoning.

I'm going to skip ahead, I finished high school top of my class and moved in with some crusty punk kids in this cool old house. I started dating an abusive douche bag, he hit me, he kicked me, he almost killed me once but I'll talk about that another time. After him I started drinking more, when I drank I became brave. I didn't give a fuck what he said and any punches he gave or anything mean he said slid right off. That's when I stopped caring about everything and anyone. I was a shitty friend.

I met a cool group of friends close to Round Rock and tried ecstasy for the first time and loved it. That led eventually to me driving to Round Rock and crashing my car, not on drugs, it was raining. And having to move to my mom's house.

I did good for awhile there. The goal was to save everything so I could move to
Austin. I succeeded up to a point but in Allen, TX and Fairview and all those little suburbs in between the only thing to do is drink and shop. So I drank, I drank my savings down the drain and had barely enough when I moved to Austin.

I'm going to stop now. This may seem unnecessary to some but it's how I'm coping and the cool thing is, you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

No comments:

Post a Comment