Writing

Ever since I was a child I loved to read. I devoured books at a very young age and was quickly reading above my grade level. I remember living in Panama City, Florida and having writing prompts where we could write whatever fiction or reality we wanted. I always chose fiction. I could spread my wings and become something completely new. I remember when they'd test us, I'd make really high marks in my stories. I can't remember exactly when it changed but the prompts started being on more specific things, the tone of a passage you had read, less creativity. I hated it. I stopped writing as much but I still read often.

I remember watching the movie Harriet the Spy and falling in love with her. I got my black and white composition notebook and wrote down everything about everyone. When I was happy or mad, details of what was happening around me no matter how dull they may seem, maybe they'd be important later. During this time we were preparing to move to Wichita Falls, Tx. It would be the first of many big moves I could remember. Already in my life, we had moved twice but I was too young for it too make a huge difference in my life. Here I had friends. I was angry and I wrote it down. I wrote ugly things about my parents and one day at a party at one of our family friend's house from the church I left my notebook out and some nosey woman picked it up and read it. Ignoring all the other wonderful things I had written, or so I thought, she targeted the negative and told my mother. I obviously had not gotten the moral of the story in Harriet the Spy where she had lost all of her friends because of the things she wrote without regard to their feelings of what they read.

I don't remember when I stopped reading all the time but I know I kept a journal for years to come, up until the past couple of years actually, minus sporadic entries here and there. I guess Facebook became more of an outlet for that which is gross to think about. Around that time I was also more into my phone, most of my high school, even though I had a phone it wasn't as addictive as it is today. I started only reading things on my phone, for the most part, reading maybe a book or two a year and writing more nonfiction, thinking I could become a journalist. That's the kind of story I should tell. I really wanted to be nonbias though, give people information and let them come up with what they thought about it. I've written so many articles as a ghostwriter for other people but have never had any published under my name. I have done videos though and worked with channels like The Notice and Youvolution to put out content.

I still want to put out content. I still want to create fictional stories but I also want to write the truth as well, informative pieces. I want to be convincing. I'm worried about how divisive our country is. I'm worried about not being able to communicate effectively the severity of situations because I'm not able to retain the information I'm taking in. I'm going to start working on pieces like that, about the environment and climate change, but also about solutions and agorism. I also want to tell my story and what has happened to me to shape the person I am. I also want to keep going out and recording actions and protests and speeches and life.

I'm still figuring things out but this morning one of my favorite authors, Octavia Butler, nudged me in a direction I've been going in for a while and made it feel more tangible. I hate to bring up alcohol but it has really affected my mind. I hasn't helped me procrastinate less. It's become a crutch in social situations and when talking to people. I'm happy to be without it and happy to see where my brain will grow from being away from it.

I am a writer...and so many other things.