tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33906011048900730472024-02-20T02:56:54.101-08:00Waking Up EchoWaking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-7732720765441150712019-11-07T09:17:00.000-08:002019-11-07T09:17:12.042-08:00WritingEver since I was a child I loved to read. I devoured books at a very young age and was quickly reading above my grade level. I remember living in Panama City, Florida and having writing prompts where we could write whatever fiction or reality we wanted. I always chose fiction. I could spread my wings and become something completely new. I remember when they'd test us, I'd make really high marks in my stories. I can't remember exactly when it changed but the prompts started being on more specific things, the tone of a passage you had read, less creativity. I hated it. I stopped writing as much but I still read often.<br />
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I remember watching the movie Harriet the Spy and falling in love with her. I got my black and white composition notebook and wrote down everything about everyone. When I was happy or mad, details of what was happening around me no matter how dull they may seem, maybe they'd be important later. During this time we were preparing to move to Wichita Falls, Tx. It would be the first of many big moves I could remember. Already in my life, we had moved twice but I was too young for it too make a huge difference in my life. Here I had friends. I was angry and I wrote it down. I wrote ugly things about my parents and one day at a party at one of our family friend's house from the church I left my notebook out and some nosey woman picked it up and read it. Ignoring all the other wonderful things I had written, or so I thought, she targeted the negative and told my mother. I obviously had not gotten the moral of the story in Harriet the Spy where she had lost all of her friends because of the things she wrote without regard to their feelings of what they read.<br />
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I don't remember when I stopped reading all the time but I know I kept a journal for years to come, up until the past couple of years actually, minus sporadic entries here and there. I guess Facebook became more of an outlet for that which is gross to think about. Around that time I was also more into my phone, most of my high school, even though I had a phone it wasn't as addictive as it is today. I started only reading things on my phone, for the most part, reading maybe a book or two a year and writing more nonfiction, thinking I could become a journalist. That's the kind of story I should tell. I really wanted to be nonbias though, give people information and let them come up with what they thought about it. I've written so many articles as a ghostwriter for other people but have never had any published under my name. I have done videos though and worked with channels like The Notice and Youvolution to put out content.<br />
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I still want to put out content. I still want to create fictional stories but I also want to write the truth as well, informative pieces. I want to be convincing. I'm worried about how divisive our country is. I'm worried about not being able to communicate effectively the severity of situations because I'm not able to retain the information I'm taking in. I'm going to start working on pieces like that, about the environment and climate change, but also about solutions and agorism. I also want to tell my story and what has happened to me to shape the person I am. I also want to keep going out and recording actions and protests and speeches and life.<br />
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I'm still figuring things out but this morning one of my favorite authors, Octavia Butler, nudged me in a direction I've been going in for a while and made it feel more tangible. I hate to bring up alcohol but it has really affected my mind. I hasn't helped me procrastinate less. It's become a crutch in social situations and when talking to people. I'm happy to be without it and happy to see where my brain will grow from being away from it.<br />
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I am a writer...and so many other things.Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-7748866795094541072019-11-06T06:02:00.000-08:002019-11-06T06:02:05.345-08:00I am not my addiction.I struggle with substances. My parents didn't drink. Science says I have a gene that makes me predisposed to liking different drugs.<br />
<br />
I use to just be a pot head. That was easy. No harm there but in the land of the free and home of the brave it was a crime that led to incarceration which led to probation which led to intoxication because you can't drug test for booze unless you've been drinking the day before. 17 years old and on probation for a drug that is legal in how many states now? A drug that has had men and women, vast majority black and brown, behind bars.<br />
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I struggle with substances. I loved Lucy. She gave the world a beautiful filter and made me feel like I was from another planet. She connected me to a beautiful boy who loved her too much and got sick and left this world to be in the kaleidoscope sky forever. She made me believe that I could save this planet, the one that we are killing with our consumerism and extraction, that I was here for a purpose. Ken Kesey saw the beauty in her, he wanted to share her with the world instead of only keeping it for the "elite", not really elite though, they're fucking predators.<br />
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I struggle with substances. I've been ripped from my home more times than a kid should ever be. Back before cell phones and facebook, so when you lost touch you lost touch. I still made good grades but I was angry. I'd huff stupid shit to get a temporary high.<br />
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I struggle with substances. Alcohol has turned me into a monster that has destroyed any loving relationship with a partner I have EVER had. Nobody wants to love a monster. It's too hard. It's destructive, they need to protect themselves. I don't blame them. We all need to protect ourselves.<br />
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I struggle with substances. Riding in a car on the way to a protest in Chicago and getting a phone call from a good friend of mine asking if I remembered what had happened the night before. I didn't. He proceeded to tell me how he had to pull our friend off me while I was passed out on the bed from Ambien because he was touching me. The "friend" went into the living room and sexually assaulted our friend on the couch that night too.<br />
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I struggle but I am not my addiction.<br />
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I am a kind person who feels for people. Our world isn't balanced and so many of us are hurting and have been hurt and we need to fix ourselves but it's hard to find the healthcare to do it and it's hard to communicate with others because we don't know how to talk to each other because the world wants us divided. They want us divided.<br />
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Some of you reading this may think I share too much, I think I've said it before in one of these posts but it's how I'm healing. Sharing my story and what's happened to me and who I am is an outlet for me. If you don't like it, don't click it. It isn't met for you. I write about this because I know even though I feel so fucking lonely and am trying to use the word alone and that's okay, that there are others out there just like me.<br />
<br />
You are not alone.<br />
You can get better.<br />
You are strong.<br />
You are not your addiction.<br />
<br />
I believe in you.<br />
<br />
<br />Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-30055309084920846462019-11-05T12:11:00.000-08:002019-11-05T12:11:31.670-08:00Small WinsI've been having a hard time adjusting to being in New Jersey and it's literally been 5 days and I need to stop putting so much pressure on things. It's time. All the time I keep thinking about having left until I can go back home. The time I have to myself to think of all the things I could have done differently. Time to get lost in thoughts that serve no positive purpose.<br />
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I wrote a tear-filled post yesterday and intended to post it today but instead, am going to talk about the wins I have. The things that are good and will keep me going through this because I'm luckier than most and can't forget that.<br />
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I get to see my little brother who I haven't seen in years this week, along with a bunch of other family in Tennessee. I have a good friend and roommate back home who knows how much this is hurting me and is doing their best to stay connected to me in one of the hardest ways in the world for them, fucking text. I live within 2 miles of a library that so far has had every book I've wanted ALREADY THERE. I just applied at a spot by my house cooking, where I can ride to and go in for my interview and they were very excited to have me come in and apply. I can kayak whenever I want. I have a smart recovery group I can go to. I have fucking goals, achievable goals to get back home and healthy. Then the biggest one is my parents. The ones who have opened up their home and let me come and work on myself without judgment but without enabling me, who have gone above and beyond to make sure I'm okay. Who love me and have seen me at my worst. Both sets of parents have cared for and loved me and I'm grateful.<br />
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I still cry all the time. I'm getting better at hiding it or getting lost in a book, starting my third one today since I got here, gotta love Octavia Butler.<br />
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<br />Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-4418171298767033562019-11-04T06:53:00.000-08:002019-11-04T06:53:54.592-08:00AloneI've never experienced this before in my life. Not loneliness or being alone, like basically everyone I have experienced that on more occasions than I'd like to think about. I've never had a community tell me I need to leave because they need space away from me. Later, I'll go into details of all of that but this is about understanding that and coping with that.<br />
<br />
I've been working in my Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills workbook which I was told would help those who have borderline personality disorder, as well as others who have just struggle with controlling their emotions. That is a big one for me, my main control of emotions in the past has been substance abuse which doesn't control anything, it makes things worse for myself and everyone else around me.<br />
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A recent tool I picked up was called REST which is an acronym meaning Relax, Evaluate, Set an intention, Take action. In relaxing you're "doing your best to remind yourself that you have an opportunity to behave differently."p9 I've put this into practice for things that have happened in the past and how it could have worked differently.<br />
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The other main one is radical acceptance which in this move has literally only been 4 days now but has been tearing my heart apart, is changing my attitude and being able to better tolerate distressing situations, "being overly judgemental of a situation or overly critical of yourself or others often leads to more pain, missed details and paralysis."p14 Which is true.<br />
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This leads to me to the two sessions I did with a kind friend in Austin who gifted me two EFT sessions which stands for emotional freedom technique. She told me in that room it wasn't about others, it was about me and how I am internally and how I can be better and the person I want to be. Our first session had tapping on meridian points on the forehead, chest, side rib area, and hand. She also did what she called shadow work which was going through my mind essentially guided by her but using metaphors which were incredibly helpful.<br />
<br />
We did another exercise where we talked about this negative thing inside of me and what it looked like and for me that was easy. If any of you are close to me you've heard me bring up Sarai, especially in terms of drinking. But it was clear to me that she was one negative aspect of my life. In the session, through questions, I realized that she hadn't always been with me and for some reason, I had never thought of that before. I honestly had started to consider her an alter of sorts, an alter ego, and it was terrifying. Through tapping and positive affirmations and other words spoken out loud, I realized she came into my life when I really needed her.<br />
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TW: Abuse<br />
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When I was close to 19 years old I was dating a man named JoAnthony. At first, he was very sweet and loving but that relationship quickly turned to an abusive one. I was terrified when I heard loud cars because he had a very loud car. He would punch me and kick me if he got upset. Eventually, the catalyst was me eating a few mushrooms one day and at first, having an amazing trip, he wasn't around or anything, then my roommate came home and she was upset that there weren't any more mushrooms which led me into a bad trip. I felt really sick, I tried to take a shower. I tried to sleep but nothing would help. Eventually, my phone starts ringing and I see it's Jo. I don't answer but he keeps calling over and over and over. I was terrified. I knew if he found out I'd eaten mushrooms he would hurt me so I got in my car and started driving away from my house. Nobody knew I had left.<br />
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As I'm driving and pull out of my neighborhood I see a car pull up super fast behind mine and I think, "I'm getting pulled over by the cops!" But no sirens come on, nothing. Quickly I realize it's Jo. He is so close he is almost hitting my car with his. I turn down a well-lit road that had a bunch of shops and should have pulled in there but I wasn't thinking clearly. I was still tripping and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I drive into a side neighborhood and he gets next to me with his car and starts nudging my car with his. Pushing my car. I slam on my breaks and scream, "Okay! I'll park. Just stop." I pull into a side street and frantically grab for my phone, he gets out of his car and my window was cracked a tiny bit and he lunged his arm inside pulling my hair to the window and unlocking the door. He pulls me out of the car by my hair and slams my face into the asphalt. He then starts kicking me over and over and over and I just start screaming hoping someone will come outside. He grabs my hat and phone throws it into a gutter, he grabs my car keys and grabs me by my hair again and drags me into his car.<br />
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He starts driving into the middle of nowhere, blood is dripping down my face and it's hard to see, I start to plead with him saying I can't see, please pull over, I won't tell anyone. Please. We lived in a small town at the time so driving into the middle of nowhere didn't take to long. I started to think I was going to have to crash the car. I was about to pull the steering wheel really hard to roll the car when he slammed on his breaks and told me to get out. I did and he took off and I took off running in the other direction as fast as I could thinking he was going to come back and hit me with his car.<br />
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I walked for hours until I saw lights of cars passing a somewhat busy road up ahead. I was too scared to knock on a neighbors door because the houses were so far apart and they all had no trespassing signs and it was 3 or 4 in the morning, I was tripping mushrooms and profusely bleeding from my head. I got to the main street and started trying to wave cars down and eventually an older Mexican man stopped and instead of taking me to the police station or to the hospital, he took me home.<br />
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After that night I started drinking heavily, Sarai showed up and when she was around I didn't give a shit about anyone. I had to get my keys from Jo and Sarai was with me. Every other man I was with after Jo for a long while, Sarai was with me.<br />
<br />
She was with me when Chris got sick and I spent a month in the hospital praying he wouldn't die. But I'll talk about Chris later.<br />
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She served her purpose but I don't need her anymore and EFT made me realize that and I'm grateful.<br />
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I love Roots. I know I need time away to be healthy and get a better understanding of my purpose. But I know I'm a good fit for that place. I know because I helped build it. I helped make it what it is and those people have become my family. I can't dwell on my past. I can make things right. I can prove what I need to prove and come back better than before. Our past shapes us but our present is what matters the most. What we do now and the choices we make now are important. I'm trying to switch my mindset of being lonely to just being alone and being alone is okay. You can grow being alone.<br />
<br />
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<br />Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-18195252609770181862019-10-31T10:24:00.000-07:002019-10-31T10:24:57.969-07:00Leaving AustinI'm going to take a break from the normal barrage of my past to post about my current situation. I leave tomorrow and I'm sitting here typing this in the bedroom that I have shared with my partner for a couple months now. I'm leaving my Dog, Navi, and my cat, Momo, behind and my partner/friend is going to take care of them for me.<br />
<br />
Last night I planned to spend it with my partner who I care about deeply. I didn't fully comprehend how stressed they were with tests today which led to physical violence. I had a screen printing class and then did a food fundraiser for the house I'm leaving where I raised more money than I spent. I raised money for a house that doesn't want me here, that's not why I did the fundraiser, I did it because I care about Roots.<br />
<br />
I've started to realize there is a lot of favoritism that takes place in a home-like this and if you are on the outside or you are new then you're constantly trying to prove yourself. It's a hierarchy. Others in the house have said they don't feel comfortable with their place at Roots, as though they could get kicked out at any time. That kind of structure doesn't facilitate growth, more often it facilitates fear.<br />
<br />
I had a new idea today on my way home because there was no way I could stay in my house knowing my partner didn't want to be there with me. The idea is this, I buy a truck and build a shell on top. I also buy a small trailer. Ideally, I can travel in this truck with my dog and maybe a cat, depending on how she handles it. and we can travel to different ecovillages or aspiring communities and we can help with building projects. So I will build my tools up. I will learn from my father while I'm in New Jersey. I will see what different communities are doing, what works and what doesn't.<br />
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Hopefully, I end up back at Roots but I'm done playing Survivor no matter where I go. I'm looking for a family and families to work together and they don't treat each other as if only the favorites matter. It isn't healthy and it isn't sustainable. If you see someone struggling, we should reach out and help them or find resources that may help them.<br />
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I connected with Extinction Rebellion New Jersey so I'm excited to see where that goes. I need activism in my life to feel whole and complete. I need a community. I need a community that wants me and makes me feel nourished. I've felt used and like the people here are apathetic towards me. I need time away so I can grow and learn more. Maybe Roots is in my future, the universe knows I've kept this place afloat for a very long time, it's a bummer a few decided to strip it from me.<br />
<br />
This comes from an angry place. Especially after I was treated last night.Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-20480503647071025112019-10-14T10:50:00.000-07:002019-10-14T10:50:05.760-07:00Alternative Substances Part TwoWe ended part one with me moving to Austin with very little savings but I managed. I moved with one of my best friends Luna and another friend Mckenzie. Luna was pregnant so her experience was very different than mine and Mckenzies. I'd also starting dating a guy named Low and soon he'd move in.<br />
<br />
I'm going to preface this next to say I'm missing a lot between leaving after my car crash to my mom's house parts that are worth mentioning but I'll come back to it.<br />
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At the time I was 20 years old, I wanted to experience everything, and when I say everything I mean everything. Mdma, LSD, 25i, 2ci, any research chemical, DMT, heroin, meth, coke, you name it, especially if it was free, I'd do it. I'm going to be 30 in 5 days and the thought of me than trips me out. I barely microdose without hardcore researching.<br />
<br />
Our house became a haven of druggies that put our pregnant roommate at risk and for that, I'm sorry because I was apart of it. There were times with the amounts of substances going into our systems I though someone might die or we would get robbed. Turn out, years later, I found out our apartment was almost robbed because of my idiot boyfriend at the time who liked to show off all the cash he was making.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I meet this beautiful girl named Shane and she stole my heart. She also led me to the place I tried DMT for the first time, in an apartment full of strangers I'd just met, they offered it to us for free and she was like me and took it. I went first and one hit out of a meth pipe (not saying meth was used in this pipe it was just the way we use to do DMT and some still do now) one hit and I was gone. I traveled out of my body, honestly thought I'd defecated and held on to Shane for dear life hoping she could pull me back down. I repeated to myself "Come back. Come back. Come back." And eventually I did, she was next, she enjoyed herself. blasting to another place. After that I acquired all they had and shared it with my friends, this drug was too special not to share.<br />
<br />
This was around the same time, although not the same night, I tried heroin for the first time. Intravenously, with a new needle, a junkie shot us up and Shane and I laid back on the bed and just felt so good and warm. If that drug didn't do such terrible things to people, I'd do it again. But I did it only for two weeks and then stopped, never touching it again. Shane kept going back, I'd come in to try and get her and people would be acting weird, they were out of it and I'm certain people were taken advantage of in their fucked up minds. I also tried meth here for the first time, I smoke it and didn't like it at all and did heroine a little bit later that night. Not exactly a speedball but close.<br />
<br />
Shane and I eventually got a place together after I got evicted from mine and met a boy who became a quintessential part of my existence as a human, Robin. We exchanged LSD often and he started coming around more and I and Shane became more distant. I don't think she liked LSD that much, I don't think she liked me and Robin together that much. We would party together in that place often. I'd get puddled, that's where someone feeds you acid, I took more acid with Robin than any other person, over 15 hits is my highest count but who can ever tell when someone just keeps giving you more.<br />
<br />
I'm going to keep writing later on this, it gets to trippy to get into now and I have work to do.Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-27433821338723672992019-10-12T11:46:00.000-07:002019-10-12T11:46:11.750-07:00Alternative Substances Part OneI didn't grow up in a house of drinkers. I remember seeing a bottle of zinfandel spritzer behind our water purifier but my parents didn't drink. We grew up in a church and parties never involved drinking.<br />
<br />
When I was fourteen I smoked pot for the first time and became a little stoner. I still did good in school but I loved weed. I skipped school and had to make up for it but my grades remained high. When I was 17 years old I was hanging out with some friends in Morgans Point and two cops pulled up. I almost ran but stood frozen...I wonder if they would have found me if I ran, I didn't know Morgans Point that well but I had the weed on me. The Imogen Heap song Hide and Seek will always remind me of that time because an SNL skit had come out with Shia Labauef about it and we had been laughing about it all night.<br />
<br />
Two of our own cars were there, one being mine and they asked to search both if my memory serves. We both complied. Stupid. When they'd pulled up I'd chunked my stash under the seat. I was so dumb...young. They found nothing in my friend's car but of course, found mine and I got arrested. The next day was Mother's Day, my mom you have to imagine was so proud to have to wake up to a call from the Bell County jail that her daughter had been picked up for marijuana possession. They got a lawyer and I remember her coming in, the glass in between us and I'm kind crying but not hysterical or anything and she put her hand up to the window. I didn't know this woman at all and she thought that would help me, I know it was out of kindness. It just felt funny. I got out early that morning and long story short got put on probation for a year.<br />
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I got my first job at the only movie theater in town to pay off my probation fees. I went in every month to piss test, I did community service, and eventually, I got put on every other month and was in a group. Once I got put on probation because I couldn't smoke and it was my senior year I started drinking, I literally blacked out every single time which is a sign of alcohol poisoning.<br />
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I'm going to skip ahead, I finished high school top of my class and moved in with some crusty punk kids in this cool old house. I started dating an abusive douche bag, he hit me, he kicked me, he almost killed me once but I'll talk about that another time. After him I started drinking more, when I drank I became brave. I didn't give a fuck what he said and any punches he gave or anything mean he said slid right off. That's when I stopped caring about everything and anyone. I was a shitty friend.<br />
<br />
I met a cool group of friends close to Round Rock and tried ecstasy for the first time and loved it. That led eventually to me driving to Round Rock and crashing my car, not on drugs, it was raining. And having to move to my mom's house.<br />
<br />
I did good for awhile there. The goal was to save everything so I could move to<br />
Austin. I succeeded up to a point but in Allen, TX and Fairview and all those little suburbs in between the only thing to do is drink and shop. So I drank, I drank my savings down the drain and had barely enough when I moved to Austin.<br />
<br />
I'm going to stop now. This may seem unnecessary to some but it's how I'm coping and the cool thing is, you don't have to read it if you don't want to.Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-21075749264772079222019-10-11T18:23:00.001-07:002019-10-12T08:04:05.457-07:00Abandonment That title might seem so intense but it's how I feel, it's how my whole existence feels. I've put my life into this place and in under two hours, they came up with a decision that uprooted my life forever. Thre is honestly so much I could say....I'm not going to say any of the true angry things I feel because what will they do, make me feel better in the present and hurt others in the long run? That isn't my goal. I love Roots. I really love Roots and I think my actions on leaving this place will show that...or maybe not.<br />
<br />
In December 2018 my personal account was seized of all its assets. Every penny I had the account was taken out and the account was closed. At the same time, Roots was being evicted due to gentrification. I was the first to hear the news because I was the accountant, I waited 24 hours to tell anyone because I wanted more information from the landlord. All I got from him initially was that we were getting our 30 days. I was scared everyone would leave.<br />
<br />
We all sat down and out of the 8 of us, not everyone made the meeting, we decided to stay together. That didn't happen, within 24hours of that meeting people had already started looking for new places. Nic and George had only lived at Roots for 3 to 4 months but they decided to stay. Yessenia had been at Roots for 6 maybe a bit longer. I didn't tell them about the account seizure because I thought everyone would leave and Roots wouldn't survive. I lied.<br />
<br />
I don't regret lying at the time and still would have done the same thing. My biggest regret is not telling them sooner. When we moved to Mays and got closer I should have told them but I didn't. We planned on buying Mays and it didn't work out, a lot can be said about that situation and maybe I will at another time but not now. We left Mays and moved to our current place. My partner became the accountant with me and even after multiple times of trying to tell him about what had gone one with the money, he told me not to tell him, he instead told the group. My intention in telling him was for him not to lie for me but so he knew and I wouldn't be alone in telling everyone. I was alone. I've been alone at Roots since than.<br />
<br />
After two hour deliberation of what I just told you, they decided to revoke my membership and give me 30 days, with the idea in 6 months if my mental health was better I could maybe come back depending on room and me and George.<br />
<br />
The money was seized. I never spent the money on drugs or alcohol. I had issues in between paying roots back because of my addiction byt I never used Roots money on drugs or alcohol. That needs to be very clear<br />
<br />
I'm angry, sad, disappointed and hurt by the decisions that have been made and how I've been treated since their decision so I won't go into it now about how I wish Roots had conducted their decision. Their trust was broken but I don't trust them either.<br />
<br />
I think it's easy to throw around words like love and family, at this point, I wouldn't call Roots any of that, it's a farce. Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-25057737162331865982019-10-04T13:38:00.000-07:002019-10-04T13:38:49.879-07:00Uprooting for AwhileI have lived at Roots Ecovillage for 6 years of my life. I've lived in Austin for 9 years. Before that I traveled a lot, never staying in one place longer than 6 months and when I was still living at home I was an Air Force brat so I moved every 3 to 5 years. Roots was the first place as an adult I have ever called home.<br />
<br />
During my time at Roots, handfuls of people have come and gone, and Roots has evolved and changed depending on who is in the house. We started at 1708 Fortview Road in Austin, TX, right off Manchaca, before gentrification had really taken a hold of the area. I wasn't one of the founders. It was founded by a bunch of people who through Occupy in 2012 felt inspired to keep their activism growing and built a community and space where events could be held and gardens grew and an anarchist, self-governance lifestyle could occur.<br />
<br />
Slowly, all of those people who helped create the foundation of Roots left and for awhile only one remained. A shaggy-haired man who cared so much for Roots and what its mission had been was the last one left, and after he was gone because he felt stagnant I stayed and never left.<br />
<br />
There have been times it's been hard and I almost left. Where people said we weren't really a cooperative and that Roots was just a bunch of shit. At times it was a bunch of shit. At times it was just drug-fueled parties. At times it was angry people shouting at each other over terrible misgivings. On the opposite end though we had fundraisers like A Bloody Good Show where we gathered feminine hygiene products for the houseless community, we held Austin SOUP which is a live crowdfunding event that connects the community, we put on a show and art auction for Standing Rock and we planted beautiful gardens together, drank beer and worked on the aquaponics, we had 3am dance parties and shared in beautiful ceremonies under the moon and around the fire together.<br />
<br />
Roots survived eviction due to gentrification and then survived an ending of a lease and a search for a new home that would hopefully fit more people. We found it in our new place. Now, currently, we have 8 people here which was the number we were at right before the eviction at the original place that halved our numbers. We have two houses, two full kitchens, 3 full bathrooms, three shared common spaces, two backyards, chickens, gardens, a beautiful patio. It's grown, Roots has survived through tough times and besides those first two years of its conceptions I've seen all of it.<br />
<br />
I am leaving Roots November 1st for 6 months but I'll be back a better person. The reason I'm leaving is a story for another time.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-49003369387475876242018-04-16T18:24:00.000-07:002018-04-16T18:24:06.859-07:00In the BeginningI am an addict.<br />
<br />
I have borderline personality disorder.<br />
<br />
I am anxious.<br />
<br />
I am also strong and powerful and intelligent.<br />
<br />
I've created a goal for myself for the next 100 days I'm going to stay sober from alcohol and nitrous oxide. To complete that goal I'm going to start a whole food plant based diet. I am going to exercise daily and do the Wim Hof breathing method. I am going to garden.<br />
<br />
I'm also pretty high right now. I'm starting day one tomorrow and I'm a terrible writer on whippets but I felt it important to write today. I'm going to go into details on my plans to overcome my issues in posts to come.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-30641351559679717212013-09-19T08:39:00.000-07:002013-09-19T08:39:32.741-07:00A Slightly New Direction<div class="MsoNormal">
It has been a few weeks since my last post and I’m been
struggling with motivation to write. I’ve been trying to find a balance of
attending rallies and marches and lectures on various subjects and trying to
not feel overwhelmed by the negative that seems to take over some times. I feel
it’s similar to why many people say they don’t like watching the news; they don’t
want to feel upset or angry afterwards. I personally often get panic attacks
reading different articles or hearing of various things happening in the world.
So I’ve decided since I’ve only posted three things as of yet to this blog to
redirect exactly how I was going to go about relaying information I receive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m 23 years old. I’ve been slowly waking up for a very long
time. Waking up as in truly seeing the world, not this illusion that has been
put into place all around me. I’m going to write not only about issues that I
feel are important but steps I am taking in my own life to become a whole
person, a truly free human being. I struggle with so many things, as we all do,
like alcohol, procrastination, anxiety and ego and I want to write about the
steps I am taking to overcome these things in my life. I will write about
politics but I’ll also write about health, addiction and spirituality. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe we have been entering a paradigm shift for a very
long time and now it’s begun to speed up. We need to start caring for each
other and stop working against one another. We are all connected. I want to
spread light and love. If you are reading this I want you to know you are
important and you are loved. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if
you feel so inclined I hope you come back and read more. <o:p></o:p></div>
Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-33514786830076458582013-08-20T19:34:00.002-07:002013-08-20T21:33:57.230-07:00ALEC in Chicago
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://wakingupwanderlust.blogspot.com/2013/08/quick-look-at-alec.html">Basics
of ALEC</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Last week, Chicago, IL took the
stage when direct action began taking place due to the 40<sup>th</sup> Annual
ALEC meeting. After hearing of protests against the meeting coming to the hotel
that Monday and of the arrests that occurred, myself, along with 3 of my
comrades, decided we needed to take the 22-hour long trip up to Chicago to
stand in solidarity with them in this fight against corruption. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was able
to talk to Natalie Wahlberg, one of the six arrested during the sit in that was
part of Moral Monday action that took place to start the week off:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The main goal of Moral Monday in Chicago was to raise
awareness about ALEC's 40th anniversary conference taking place at the Palmer
House Hotel august 5-7. We chose to develop a Moral Monday theme
protest, complete with civil disobedience and arrests as an homage to the
activists in North Carolina who are protesting the lawmakers' same cuts to
social services, public goods, and personal freedoms. In Chicago, we chose to
protest the same legislation but only this time, we were seeking to illumine
the model-legislation creators: ALEC. One of ALEC's strengths is that it
operates in secrecy and our goal was to expose ALEC's war on the public,
raising public awareness, and letting Palmer House know that ALEC was not
welcome. Chicago doesn’t want ALEC in town to plot and scheme how to best take
away our rights. We want to be free to make our own future, not one that's been
bought and paid for by corporations.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chicago Moral Monday Coalition entered the lobby of the
Palmer House Hotel in the late afternoon, spreading out, some even taking to
the stairs to the upper floors over-looking the lobby. Then the chanting began;
“What is America going to be? Corporate greed or democracy?” as banners fell
from the railings reading, “ALEC makes For-Profit Prisons” and “Moral Mondays,
No to ALEC”. Shortly after, Reverend Marilyn
Pagan-Banks began educating the crowd about ALEC. Natalie Wahlberg said the
patron’s reaction and hotel response was, “ <span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Completely
stunned silence. Security began to move in and [tried] to pull us away but we
were not moved.” </span> Ultimately the Chicago
Police Department was called. A group of six then started a sit-in on the lobby
steps, holding their signs reading, “No to ALEC” and chanting, “Money for jobs
and education, not for banks or corporations!” and “Who killed Trayvon? ALEC
killed Trayvon”. When asked why Wahlberg felt civil disobedience was the best
way to go, her response was:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Being
that Monday's protest was themed around Moral Monday in NC, it was
necessary to be arrested for civil disobedience. In keeping with
Moral Monday, my thought was that if I’m willing to sacrifice my freedom
and put my life in the hands of bastard cops, then it's very clear that I’m
willing to do everything in my power to illumine ALEC's machinations and inform
the public about who is really writing the legislation for Stand Your Ground, privatization
of public education, limiting healthcare, preventing an easier path for
immigrants to become citizens, creating for-profit prisons, the
"ag-gag" criminalization (anti whistleblower laws) and destroying
democracy in the US.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wednesday,
a large group of demonstrators wearing black hoodies entered the lobby and
staged a “die-in” referencing ALEC being responsible for the Stand your Ground
legislation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On
Thursday, a rally was planned outside the hotel. Bill, a concerned citizen, who
asked his last name not be used, describes the scene during the rally:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“There had to be at least 800 or
more, it’s hard to tell when you’re in the middle of the crowd how big it is,
all I know is the entire block was full of people [and] the road was blocked
off. It was solid, shoulder to shoulder with people.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Patrick Gocek, a fellow journalist and activist described
the police presence the day of the rally and during the lead up:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Police presence had been around pretty heavy [all day] before
and the day of. </span><span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <span style="background: white;">Undercover cars parked on the street just sitting around for hours,
marked cars as well. The police were often talking with the security at
the Palmer House. </span> <span style="background: white;">At [one]
point on Wednesday I remember maybe 5-6 of us there [and less than a]
foot [away there were about] 8 officers, CPD made it very obvious the whole
time we would not do anything funny under their watch.</span>”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rev. Jessie Jackson was among the speakers, along with a
representative from the Chicago Federation of Labor, who at the end asked
people to leave. After discovering there
had been a request to disperse, I was better able to understand the lack of
presence at the hotel once I had arrived.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was told that after the speakers and media had left, the
police started becoming aggressive and pushing people onto the sidewalk,
pushing the barricades and using their bicycles to edge people back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Patrick Gocek was on the scene when the police began
arresting protestors, and filmed and recounted the following:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/E-DgrOSazuc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The
first time I saw anything, the police were getting ready to leave [and] the
protesters were still sticking it out….they had started moving and some of them
pushed the barricade a bit farther into the street and started dancing and
chanting. I believe it was the commander who first moved in to shove a
protester, and quickly things got hot. I'm not sure why they arrested who they
did. The second time they came in was even more confusing; they rushed in out
of nowhere and snatched a few more! [Seemed] like a scare tactic, and
quickly the crowd slimmed, while lots of police were still waiting.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Six were arrested in total after the rally. The trend of
police violence post-public demonstration has accelerated since Occupy in 2011.
You’ll have demonstrators exercising their rights as free people and once the
police become violent, the issue they’re protesting becomes background. In some
ways I have started to think it’s just another tactic – not only are we
becoming more and more of a police state but if we keep the attention on the
police then the issues that we are fighting against can continue to take
place. I personally have seen this
happening. Police brutality is a huge issue and if it doesn’t get better we are
headed for an uprising, but that’s a topic for another time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The night of the rally, Chicago’s Light Brigade took to the
streets with illuminated signs spelling out “Fight to End ALEC.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Although Chicago’s actions were
brief, I stand in solidarity with the Chicago protestors who felt it necessary
to go out and demonstrate their disapproval in a public forum, while informing
the masses about ALEC. ALEC’s actions do in some way affect each of us, whether
its their lack of disregard for the environment, desire to end minimum wage or
taking away funding from public schools. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ll leave you with Natalie Wahlberg’s words that I feel
close this perfectly:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“ALEC
is the intersection between money and politics. Behind closed doors,
corporations write model legislation to give to their politician members. The
legislation is designed to make the life of a regular person, like you and me,
harder to survive, with fewer social services and freedoms. ALEC politicians
are free to erode basic premises and betray the very constituency who elected
them, without anyone knowing. By protesting ALEC and raising awareness about
who they are, what corporations are involved and which politicians are ALEC
members, we can shine the light on them and watch them scatter like
cockroaches. Then we can step on them.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Sources:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://gapersblock.com/mechanics/2013/08/13/why-did-chicago-police-attack-alec-protesters/">http://gapersblock.com/mechanics/2013/08/13/why-did-chicago-police-attack-alec-protesters/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://my.firedoglake.com/kitoconnell/2013/08/06/moral-monday-chicagalec/">http://my.firedoglake.com/kitoconnell/2013/08/06/moral-monday-chicagalec/</a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.alecwc.org/">http://www.alecwc.org/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-4641941687990890722013-08-15T07:59:00.003-07:002013-08-15T07:59:51.562-07:00Quick Look At ALEC<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Basics about ALEC<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>You may have
never heard of ALEC before and that is not uncommon. Many people have just
recently had their interest sparked because of recent coverage in the news of
protests occurring in Chicago, IL in response to ALEC’s 40<sup>th</sup> Annual
meeting that was held at the Palmer House Hotel from August 7<sup>th</sup>
through the 9<sup>th</sup>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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ALEC stands for American Legislative Exchange Counsel; it
was founded in the 1970’s and was a way to get corporate industry ideas to
lawmakers. As it grew in momentum by the 90’s the corporate industry was
actually writing laws (model bills). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
way they planned to accomplish getting there bills in place and in changing
laws on a larger scale was by doing it from the state level, getting legislatures
to propose “model bills” and getting them passed in each of their own states.
This method has worked very well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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A few pieces of legislation that have been a result of ALEC include, “stand your ground”, Voter ID restriction, bills for fracking and the Keystone Pipeline. (1)</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Close to 98% of
ALEC’s funding comes from corporations. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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The funding works like this:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Corporate Members pay annually between 7,000 and 25,000yr<o:p></o:p></div>
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If a corporation participates in any of the 9 task forces
(which they do), additional fees apply. Ranging from 2,500 to 10,000 depending
on the task force.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Corporations can sponsor events or specific projects; they
also give away “scholarships” so that legislatures can come to events.<o:p></o:p></div>
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ALEC also receives grants from corporations:<o:p></o:p></div>
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1.4 million from ExxonMobile 1998-2009<o:p></o:p></div>
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Grants received by:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Charles G. Koch Foundation<o:p></o:p></div>
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Claude R. Lambe Foundation (Koch-managed)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Allegheny Foundation (Scaife family; oil and banking)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Castle Rock Foundation (Coors family)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Less than 2% of
ALEC’s funding comes from “Membership Dues” <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Membership dues are
$50 per year paid by state legislators. (2)<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Alec is non-profit. Non-profits are generally groups formed
without the intention of making a profit. Being non profit this also means they
are tax exempt. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Alec claims to be non-partisan. The Merriam-Webster
dictionary’s definition of “nonpartisan” is: “Not partisan. Free from party
affiliation, bias, or designation.” As of right now there is one democrat out
of 104 legislators in leadership positions. (3)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The reason there is so much animosity and rejection of ALEC
is because corporations, who are not people, are taking the power that they
have and funding legislature and shaping our economy to fit into a system that
will benefit them more and they are taking actions that directly affect the
people in this country. There are companies like Koch Industries (the Koch
family is one of the wealthiest families in the world), PhaRMA (they represent
pharmaceutical research and biopharmaceutical companies) and the tobacco
industries, among the few who have their hands in shaping new legislation in
their favor. The people suffer, not the corporations.</div>
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Great Resources:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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1. <a href="http://www.prwatch.org/news/2013/08/12205/alec-40-turning-back-clock-prosperity-and-progress">http://www.prwatch.org/news/2013/08/12205/alec-40-turning-back-clock-prosperity-and-progress</a> </div>
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<br /></div>
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2. <a href="http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php/ALEC_Corporations">http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php/ALEC_Corporations</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Complete list of Corporations that belong to ALEC<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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3. <a href="http://www.alecexposed.org/">http://www.alecexposed.org/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://billmoyers.com/content/interactive-map-is-your-state-legislator-a-member-of-alec/">http://billmoyers.com/content/interactive-map-is-your-state-legislator-a-member-of-alec/</a></div>
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List of state legislatures all over the United States who
are members of ALEC<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.prwatch.org/projects/alec-exposed">http://www.prwatch.org/projects/alec-exposed</a></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3390601104890073047.post-51663680764435670262013-08-14T00:48:00.000-07:002013-08-14T00:48:02.452-07:00....And Thus Begins<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a very long time I’ve been writing articles about things going on in the world and different protests I’ve attended and my work has just sat, in my computer, for only my eyes and the few people I occasionally sent my work to. I’ve felt for a very long time that my work wasn’t good enough yet for people to see. I was afraid of being judged and that fear stifled me as a journalist and prevented me from getting out information to people. I’ve just recently let go of that fear. I will not grow as a writer or an activist if I do not allow myself the room to grow and learn from my mistakes. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-27184447-7bac-295a-6dbf-8bda60954cf7" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My goal for this blog is to wake people up about things going on in my local community, the United States and at times the world. I’ll be writing about protests I go to, but also topics of interest I feel are worth writing about. I want my posts to insight questions and get people to think, and think for themselves. I also want to educate and put things in an easy to understand way because I know that getting into politics and other issues can be intimidating because of all the information that comes with getting involved. I want to change that with my writing. I am not an expert on any of the topics I write about but I am a student of the world and I take great pride in the knowledge I gain from reading and researching my articles.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I’m a traveler and since I was born I have never lived in one place for longer than 5 years, and as I’ve gotten older that number has begun to dwindle and is closer to 6 months that I live in a place. Living this lifestyle has opened my eyes to many amazing and beautiful things this world has to offer but just as easily as I’ve seen the beautiful I have seen the ugly and decrepit. I also strive to see why people think the way they do and believe the things they do. I think without this understanding or willingness to at least listen to each other we lose the respect we should have for each other. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In order for things to change in this world it is going to take people standing up and deciding that things need to be different. We can no longer stay quiet and watch idly as our government and the powers at be take away our rights and destroy our planet. It’s up to every person no matter how small the action, to actually take action in this fight, to change our world into a better place and change the direction it is headed. </span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I feel like this is the right action for me to take in that fight for change. </span></div>
Waking Echohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600534179401183097noreply@blogger.com0